Call-in Radio Show
Announcer: Welcome to Radio NOSH with today's show “Food Repair for Foodies” with your host Gustelita.Call in now at WOodward 962-2042.
Host: Thank you all for coming and lets go right to the phone.First caller you are on the air.
Caller 1: Thank you Gustelita. I am about to bake my first cherry pie. It is a surprise gift to my boyfriend. I have the crust, pan and other ingredients. But I couldn't find any pie cherries at the store. You know the organic tart cherries that Michigan is so famous for. I did find some Maraschino Cherries in the liquor cabinet. How would those work?
Host: Go ahead use the Maraschino cherries. You have my permission. It will have great color and if he eats it, you know he loves you. Next caller please!
Caller 2: I put my fresh baked pumpkin pie out on the back porch to cool. One of the kids let the dog out and he stepped in the pie. The paw print can be easily seen. I have to take this pie to a PTA bake sale. Can this be repaired?
Host: This can be a problem with some pets. I suggest a reinforcing coat of Cool Whip over the damaged portion. And then over the rest of the pie to disguise the patch. In general a whip job like this will distract the attention of the pie eaters and you will be in a position to collect compliments. You might consider kenneling the dog while baking.
Caller 3: I love making toast points for breakfast. But lately the store brand of bread seems to break after I cut the toast. Is there something I can use to repair the toast before I eat it?
Host: Some people would use Nutella or even oleomargarine for this kind of repair. However I would recommend Anchovy Paste. It can be used to make short term repairs to any kind of toast. It comes in an easy-to-use tube, spreads easily, and I find it superior in adherence properties to the more popular creamy peanut butter or even the expensive imported Vegemite. Next caller please!
Caller 4: My specialty is making cheesecake for my friends and special events. But with all of the butter cookie dough crust, the sugar, eggs, cream cheese, sour cream, flavoring, and butter in the filling and sweetened fruit toppings, I have been concerned that it is not the healthy desert I want it to be. What do you recommend I do to make it healthier?
Host: Well, you could substitute: Splenda for sugar, tofu for eggs, yogurt for cream cheese, and sun dried organic tomatoes for the fruit toppings. Or you could do as I do to make it healthier. Just add 1 tablespoon of cough syrup instead of your vanilla. It will still taste great and break up any congestion bothering your friends. Next caller please!
Caller 5: Do you know what happened to me? I found a fly in the raisin bread I bought from Moishe's Bakery yesterday."
Host: Nu, so you should pick up this fly, put it in a clean container, seal it, bring the fly in the container back to Moishe's Bakery, confront Moishe with the truth, and give him the fly in the container.
Caller 5:What good will that do?
Host: I know Moishe. He is an honorable man. He will give you a fresh raisin in exchange.
Host: Next caller please!
Caller 6: Hello?
Host: Hello, (stage whisper: “
I know this caller.
It's my daughter”). How are you, darling? What kind of a day are you having?
Caller 6: Oh, mother, I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight."
Host: Oh, darling, sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything.
Caller 6: That sounds like heaven.
Host: In fact, I'll even call Sam at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once.
Caller 6: Sam? Who's Sam?
Host: Why, Sam! Your husband! ....
Caller 6: Is this 9622043?
Host: No, this is 962-2042.
Caller 6: Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number.
Wait a beat: " Wait, does this mean you're not coming over?"
( hang up)
Host: Next caller please!
Caller 7: My Jello has fallen flat. The fruit is all floating when I want them standing upright.
Host: Can you give me the make and model on this one?
Caller 7:Red raspberry with mandarin sections. They fall right over.
Host:When are you adding the fruit?
Caller 7: Right after the cool water.
Host: There is your mistake. To repair this you need to wait a while. Hold off on the oranges until the cooling Jello has time to begin setting. Then you can insert the oranges, apples, banana slices, whatever you wish. Even make holiday patterns in the fruit slices. Just go wild.
Caller 8: Hello thank you for taking my call.
Host: You are welcome, go ahead with your problem.
Caller 8: I am having my family over for dinner, calves liver and onions and I have discovered as I defrosted it that I had only 5 serving instead of 6 so we will be one portion short.
Host: So what is the problem?
Caller 8: I will be one portion short, so I won't be able to have a serving.
Host: You don't have a problem. You are just fine. Just tell them you had liver for lunch. Then you eat something left over from yesterday. Call back sometime when you have a real problem.
Host: Here is a special
public service announcement from Grand Rabbi Yisroel Groundfliegel, Self-Described Halachik Authority and Successful Lower East Side Real Estate Developer
Here is news on the current halachik issue for Pesach 5771: Braces
Those people who normally wear braces while consuming chometzdike food, (food not kosher for Passover) must have their braces kashered for Pesach. The preferred method is that of Libun, (using a blow-torch which gets the metal white hot) which can be accomplished by crinkling your lips up to expose your teeth and then running a blow torch along the entire length of your braces.
Some authorities are lenient and permit kashering of braces by dunking your open mouth into a bowl of scalding hot water instead.
Reb Groundfliegel reminds us that: “While I understand that McDonalds calls it "fast food"...but you STILL can't eat it on Yom Kippur!"
Host: Next caller please.
Caller 9: Thank you for taking my call. My kids take the very end of a bottle of salad dressing and dump it in with another bottle so before you know it I have several kinds of dressing mixed up and am serving Golden-Russian-French-Thousand-Italian-Island or Creamy-blue-green-vinaigrette-ranch-taco-wine-cheese-goddess. How do deal with this?
Host: You must be very proud of your brilliant kinder. Have they discovered that shaking a little milk or lemon juice in the bottle or running it under warm water will get more of the dressing out? This is the same approach I use at home and I deal with it by calling the dressing “House”. This also will work with soups, jelly, and some kinds of dry cereal. Encourage your children and someday they may even remember your birthday.
Host: And now a word from our Sponsor....... Omi's House of Leftovers.
Waiter: Bonjour! Welcome to Omi's house of Leftovers where we make leftovers for you everyday and nothing goes to waste.
Customer: Do you have any tables available?
Waiter: Very Soon. We will be able to help you very shortly , in frat that couple over there is almost finished.
Big Vasco will bring you a menu while you are waiting. tonight our specials include:
Extra Blue bleu cheese, also good for fighting the flu
You may be in luck, our special last night was Tuna fish balls in crankcase oil with
Special sauce with extra mayonnaise. (Aloud aside - Marge - please hold off feeding Fido, we have a customer interested in the tuna especiale).
We also have leftovers from last week's leftovers - remember the older it is the lower the price. If it is fuzzy and green it is a real mitzeah! Choose from our selection of day old rolls, extra lumpy sour milk and bring our Thermos for the extra coffee and tea.
Waiter: let me go check on your table for you. We will be ready for you shortly. ( Goes to table with 2 people eating, asks if they are finished and scoops all their food into a bag labeled "Nim fer der Kinder").
Waiter the tale is ready, Please sit down, Here is your dinner. (gives them the bag of leftovers from the previous diners)
Host: Thank you, House of Leftovers, I have time for one last caller
Caller 10: This is not a repair issue but I inherited a frozen tongue from my great aunt on my father's side and have no idea what to do with it. It is close to the right shape for a doorstop. It isn't very musical. It is not such good company and it takes up space in the freezer. What can I do with it?
Host: Time to go to the recipes box. Here is one from my kitchen:
Cut celery, green pepper, onion fine. Fry in oil until brown. Add tomatoes, puree, salt, pepper and paprika to taste. Add mushrooms, peas. This makes the sauce and should be prepared after tongue has been cooked. Tongue: Cover tongue with cold water to which 2 tablespoons of salt has been added. Boil until tender, about 2 ½ to 3 hours. Peel. Cut into 1/4 inch slices and put in pan. Pour prepared sauce over tongue. Serve hot but can be used for sandwiches the next day. Give peeled skin to the cat so you can say “the cats got your tounge” for the entire day.
Host: That should do it for today. Thank you to our callers and tune it next week when we shall examine the current controversy broken taco shells, threat or menace? Until then keep Noshing!
